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* previously * help pray for my mom...Project Pilot Prayer... I hear, I choose, I believe Be magnified O Lord... new specs! no title. too messy. agrh! presentation report.... not done! double rainbow
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* Monday, July 11, 2005 * went to visit my mom today... she's in changi general hospital... it is a dark gloomy ward full of groaning patients. i would be really depressed to be in that place... saw my mom lying on the bed, with tubes up in her nose. there were blood in the tube. her nose was still bleeding. but she looked up to me and smiled. i've haven't seen her for ... months? i can't remember. she look different. she had a few teeth knocked out... her hair was exceptionally grey. she didn't blame me for not visiting her yesterday... she didn't even ask why i didn't go. i know she's in pain but she didn't complain at all. i was crying inside. asking God to fill me with strength... to release her from all suffering. i couldn't take the pressure at a point... i went out of the ward... seeking for solace. negative thoughts were just pouring in and drawing me away from God... i had the urge to do something i'm not supposed to. but i didn't. God held me back... He shown me how much i'm needed in this family and i just can't run away like this. that would just be too irresponsible of me. i just needed to calm down and be left alone. didn't pick up calls today... didn't reply SMSes... didn't reply MSN messages... don't know what to say. sorry to all who failed to contact me... sorry for making you worried/annoyed... i went back to the ward after a while... the doc, knowing that i was around, was waiting for me to talk to me about my mom's condition. he took me aside and explained the cause of mom's nose bleeding. i wasn't in a very clear state of mind but he said something about blood clotting system not working very well... but they're still not very sure why this is so. she will be referred to a "blood specialist" tomorrow and she won't be discharged any time soon. my mom asked me what the doc said but i didn't know how to explain... not that i didn't know how to say the words technically but... agrh. it's complicated. dad still haven't found a job yet... don't know how we're gonna settle the hospital bills this time round. medisave? hopefully... pray that God will provide a way out. actually He has been with us, i just failed to recognise that. pray for my lil bro... he's going through quite a bit too... emotionally, spiritually... heard he's not doing very well in school... he'll be taking PSLE this year... hope he will not be too affected. pray that he will not take things too hard too... received calls from his teachers saying that they noticed weird behaviours from him in school... violence... not-talk... dangerous acts... i'm quite worried for him too. He, like me, is a 2nd generation christian... i don't know how real is God to him... whether he has accepted Him as his personal saviour. i do pray so... pray for mom's nose to stop bleeding... she would need to have a transfusion if it goes on like this... pray that God will be with her... thank you all who have been faithfully praying for my family and me. sorry if i haven't been myself. Labels: Christian/Church
Comments:
i'm glad, relieve, encouraged...
i understand u r responding the way u r cos God made u like that... sometimes it's hard for me to understand that...i know that can be pretty stressful to u. i'm glad to see some response...that u know we care...that u know He cares...that u know what He wants u to do...during difficult times. i am praying for ur mom...u...ur family...and most importantly, i trust that God will speak to you...minister to you...and work in His mysterious and wonderful way...i trust that He knows best...so so so much better than me. hang in there...
Yes, stay strong.. God will be your strength through this time. I can't do much but I will pray for you. Hugs.
thank you all for the love, care and encouragements... i'm beginning to take things a lil more easily and learning to commit everything unto Him.
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i can't tell you how much these words and prayers have ease my pain by a great margin... from the bottom of my heart, thank you. # posted by
 : 11:09 PM |
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