Twinkle Star...

received a sms late last night, saying that my mom's in hospital... mom contracted cancer around 2 years ago. and she has been going in and out of the hospital ever since. it has been a very emotional journey for me and my family. and now, she's in the hospital because her nose was bleeding non-stop... i haven't gone to visit her. i'm afraid. i'm afraid i would break down in front of her.

not too long ago i was still struggling with the decision whether to go through or to forgo the operation to remove the turmour from her neck. after much prayer and consultation, i passed up the operation as the complications were many. mom has several heart diseases, high blood pressure and many small ailments... it would be risky for her to actually put her on the operation table. 1 out of 7 would not pull through.

we, or rather i never understood why God allowed such a thing to happen. why God could let someone who has already lost the ability to speak and hear to further suffer. i couldn't see how He, at that time, was in control. so many times i've broke down and cried but what good does it do? it doesn't help her get better... my dad, too, he can't speak nor hear. and all the responsibilities have fell on me. i felt so burdened, so tired that i've tried to run away and hide. but it didn't solve my problems at all.

nothing would. nobody could. except God.

but so many times i failed to go to God.
i failed to see how He was able to help in that kind of situation...
and many times, in one way or another, i would be reminded to go to Him but i was still stubborn. unwilling to let down the burden i was carrying to the Lord.

however God was and still is in control. He didn't give up on me. He has taught me that all He does, He do it with a purpose. We may never be able to apprehend but we must trust that He is sovereign over all...

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:5-7

Lord, please grant me the courage to face her and to encourage her. please assure her that You are with her, that You would not leave her to fight this battle alone. Lord, help her to come to You and surrender everything into Your Hands. let me not be weary Lord, give me the strength to stand with her in this storm and not let me waver and fall. Father, by Your grace, heal her, comfort her, be with her. Amen.

Labels: Christian/Church