Twinkle Star...

i was talking to someone one day... it set me thinking. read on. maybe it will set you thinking as well...

her: hey, are you very involved in your church?
me: involved? what do you mean?
her: as in do you go to church more than once a week for service?
me: yup...
her: what do you do in church?
me: i attend the youth fellowship in my church.. it's on fridays. and i'm in my church's choir... also on fridays. and i'll attend the thai service on sunday when i'm free.

she's a non-believer. i'm not sure why she asked me so many questions... it doesn't seem like she's interested. she seems like she's trying to find out something.

her: don't you feel tired having to juggle so many things? you got time meh? aren't you very busy?
me: yah.. i feel tired very often but i've to find time for everything. and it's a different kind of feeling when i do things in church.
her: huh?
me: i mean.. aiyah. don't know how to explain lah. it's just different. doing something i think is important. although it wouldn't seem as important to other people.

hee. very often i will be loss for words. times when i can't put what i want to say into words. it's frustrating i know - for the person i talk to. but hey. i do feel frustrated too.

her: ok... ask you ah. if you find a job you love very much but it will not allow you to go to church at all. what will you do?
me: got job like that one meh? disallow me to go to church? is it some kind of anti-Christ organisation? haha.
her: not lah. maybe your job would require you to work on weekends? then you won't have time to go to church on sunday mornings... then how?

i paused for a moment. hmmmm. i know what my answer SHOULD be... but i don't know what my answer WOULD be. it's so true... i should start thinking of this right now. i'm heading into an industry that would probably require me to work irregular hours, on weekends even. what would my answer be? to give up my job for the Lord? then wouldn't it be senseless that i'm studying so hard now to get into THIS industry?

is this Your will, Lord? what should i do? show me thy will... lead me. guide me.

her: *sigh* i don't understand why some Christians must go to church every week. are you like that too?
me: i would think that i would want to go to church every week. but in times of situations that doesn't allow me to, i would weigh the importance.
her: what if you have a school performance?
me: hmmm. i think for competitions, performances... those are pretty valid reasons. it would be ok to miss church once for that. provided that there are no responsibilties that needs to be fulfilled in church that particular week lah... eh. it depends on how they place their priorities lor.
her: i've some students that are just so stubborn! they die die must go to church one leh. cannot miss church means cannot miss church!

i felt a need to defend the "other" christians she was talking about... but i wasn't given a chance to.

her: hey... come to think of it. what you are studying now would probably land you in the filmming industry right? then they got all those rituals before filmming one right? what would you do ah?
me: don't get involved lor...

as i said that, my mind was in a real mess... i was still thinking of all she asked previously. then i got really random. i started thinking about something someone said to me about where i'm heading... i think it was the speaker for youth sunday. he came up to me all of a sudden between service and talked to me... we began to talk about what i'm studying and he said this: "what you are studying now is very crucial, it can either get you down with the rest or you can make use of it to change the lives of others. i certainly pray that it's the latter." i pray for that too.

her: will you give up what you love for your god?
me: i'm sure that my god has a purpose for taking away something that i love and that i hold on to dearly. He knows what is best for me.

i am glad i said that. at least i'm sure of something...

her: ok... i'm a buddhist you know?
me: yup.

i don't know why she asked that question... it feels awkward after that. silence prevails...

Lord, put Your words in my mouth that i might say what you want me to say. that i may manifest your love and grace. take me, mould me, fill me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me Lord. may i stand in the gap between the living and the dead. may all i do be pleasing to Your eyes. thank you for teaching me so many important lessons through so many ways and people. i pray in Your most precious name. amen.

Labels: Christian/Church